Funny Jokes
A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down outside a bar on the street curb.
A police officer watched him closely. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the police and asked, 'Hey, Mr. Policeman, what causes arthritis?'
The policeman responded, 'It's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man.'
'Well, I'll be darn,' the drunk said, returning to his paper.
The police officer, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man with his night stick and apologized.
'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'
'I don't have it, Mr. Policeman. I was just reading here that the chief of police does'.0comments (0)'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I've been with a loose woman.'
The priest sighs. 'Is that you, little Tommy O'Shaughnessy?'
'Yes, Father, 'tis I.'
'And who might be the woman you were with?'
'I shan't be tellin' you, Father. It would ruin her reputation.'
'Well, Tommy, I'm bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?'
'I cannot say.'
'Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?'
'I'll never tell.'
'Was it Lisa O'Shanter?'
'I'm sorry, but I'll not name her.'
'Was it Cathy O'Dell?'
'My lips are sealed.'
'Was it Fiona Mallory, then?'
'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'
The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're a steadfast lad, Tommy O' Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've more..1comments (0)A brunette, redhead, and blonde were sitting at a bar, sharing small talk over a few beers. Somehow the conversation turns to sex. They give each other tips on blow jobs, and what feels the best when having the man return the favor.
Talk continues until 'looseness' comes up. The brunette brags, 'I'm so loose, you could put your fist in me!' The redhead scoffs at the brunette and says 'I'm so loose, you could put your head in me!' They look to the blonde waiting. She just laughs and slides over the barstool.0comments (0)A few guppies short of an aquarium. A few inches short of a foot/yard. A few kernels short of an ear. A few kopeks short of a ruble. A few links shy of a chain. A few measures short of a staff. A few open splices. A few peas short of a pod/casserole. A few pickles short of a jar. A few pies short of a holiday. A few planes short of an Air Force / hangar. A few points short of a polygon. A few revisions behind. A few sandwiches/apples/ants short of a picnic. A few screws loose. A few shrimps short of a barbie. A few spoons short of a full set. A few straws shy of a bale. A few tiles missing from his space shuttle. A few tiles short of a successful re-entry. A few too many lights out in his Christmas tree. A few volts below threshold. A few yards short of the hole. A flash of light, a cloud of dust, and.. What was the question? A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus. A hop, skip, and jump from success, but to get there he'd have to give up chewing gum. A more..0comments (0)A pirate was talking to a 'land-luvver' in a bar.
The land-luvver noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye.
The land-luvver just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape.
He asked the pirate, 'How did you loose your leg?'
The pirate responded, 'I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!'
His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, 'What about your hand. Did you loose it at the same time?'
Online gambling news. 'No,' answered the pirate. 'I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys.'
Finally, the land-luvver asked, 'I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you loose your eye?'
The pirate answered, 'I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye.'
The land-luvver asked, 'How could a little seagull crap make you loose your more..0comments (0)- Add a Useful Link
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- Adjective (head) (loose) Her new T-shirt was just a little bit looser than the old one. The law is too strict; it should be made looser.
- Lose is a verb, while loose is almost always an adjective. They’re often confused because of their similar spelling. When to use lose. Lose can only be used as a verb. It describes when you “come to be without something” (e.g., to lose a sock in the laundry) or “to suffer defeat or fail to win” (e.g., to lose a soccer game).
Loose and lose are two completely distinct words, with different meanings and pronunciations. Below is a quick reference table outlining the differences between lose and loose:
Lose | Loose | |
pronunciation | rhymes with booze | rhymes with goose |
verb | ✓ | ✓ |
verb forms | lose; losing; lost | loose; loosing; loosed |
main verb meaning | to be unable to find or keep something | to release something |
adjective | ✗ | ✓ |
adjective forms | - | looser; loosest |
Noun* | ✗ | ✓ |
*Note: the Oxford English Dictionary does have entries for ‘lose’ as a noun (one meaning ‘an instance of losing’, the other ‘praise; renown’), but neither is listed in our dictionaries of current English.
3 a: not dense, close, or compact in structure or arrangement loose soil. B: not solid: watery loose stools. 4 a: lacking in restraint or power of restraint a loose tongue. Red stag casino. B: lacking moral restraint: unchaste. C: overactive specifically: marked by frequent voiding especially of watery stools loose bowels.
Looser Or More Loose
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Looser Or More Loose Meaning
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